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I stole this from Alaina's livejournal.

Meredith and I had to think up a discription for a novel my sim wrote on the fly. It had to be a romance novel that involved a ship, crime, ambulances, and sorcery. This is what we came up with

CRIME CRUISE
When Celia Cockburn climbs aboard the S.S. Deltabreast she has an instant dislike for Captain Dex Ruffston. When Captain Ruffston needs her help in the investigation of her roommate's murder, occult specialist Celia is called on deck! The witch hunt brings her closer than ever to any man she has ever met. Will the Captain's steeley eyes and powerful triceps warm her witchy heart?

BREATHTAKING!

I am slightly tired so I'm going to bed but here's the current heir in my legacy (well she has a baby so technically her daughter is the current heir, but you know).
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So Joel missed out on every "giant ass bird" related meal because he's in Norway. Now that I'm here with him I promptly made him a "giant ass bird" meal we've decided to call New ThanksChristmaKuhh.
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Okay we did it together it wasn't all me. haha. Plus he did all the cleaning up after like a good boy.We used the traditional "shove in a beer can" method to cook the turkey. It was actually really really moist. Better than the turkey I cooked at the hostel on Thanksgiving. Perhaps thanks to Joel's frequent and gentle basting.

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Oh god. I'm so glad this picture of me exists. Joel has much to learn of carving turkey's still.

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We named it affectionately but we forget now. After we feasted Joel, for lack of a better term, desecrated the poor things body to become Psycho!Joel the Bird-Armed Man.

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He's a beautiful beautiful man... That's for sure.
I had a dry New Years but it was lovely. I generally always end up back at my parents for New Years because that's where I am for Christmas. (With the exception of last years wonderful Wii-fest culminating with me and Alison drunkenly exploring Kat's parent's gigantic bed.) That's why it was an absolute treat to stand on the end of the pier in Arendal and watch the fireworks go off all around me.

There were maybe a dozen different places around the inlet shooting fireworks. Joel had tons of candy in his pocket from his Xmas stocking and was constantly feeding them to me. It was colder than the Virgin Mary's vagina out there but it was lovely. Ducks were frightened slightly and the amount of sulphur in the air was considerable- but the ducks will live to quack another day and the sulphur just masked the smell of our excited farts of anticipation for the year to come. We came home and had hot chocolate and played with Captain Jack and went to bed with a warm fire going.

I hope everyone had a wonderful New Year's Eve and I hope lots of exciting things for all of us in 2009 "as 2008 mercifully draws to a close".

I totally had a weird Burn Gorman public swimming pool sex dream! On New Years! It was so alarming. What's worse is that in my dream I seemed to remember a previous time doing it with him. Like we were FwB or something. Oh god... his mouth...



There was also an active pursuit on my part. He was quite reluctant like; "Oh no, I'm not going down THAT road again!" and then slowly caved in to my seduction. Also, we were never completely naked thank god. We seemed to always have our undies on. Except for the moment of you know, penetration. EW EW EW EW EW EW EW

Sorry I had to subject that to you all. Especially in the new year.

I will end this post with a hilarious picture of Joel.

"BITCHES WANT SOME SUSHI???????"
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So we're in Venice which feels a bit like 1938 except for with cell phones. Old men walk together in posses smoking pipes and dressed ridiculously well. The buildings are all ancient looking and you feel like wherever you are walking could crumble and fall into the Adriatic Sea at any moment. Its sort of a wonderful and exciting feeling actually. Visually its like what every Disney park strives to be in its "medieval" town. You can feel the history in every tiny alley that you will enivetably because lost in.

Yesterday we took off without a plan or route and decided we'd just get completely lost and wander the streets forever. This was fun until we were hungry and had to pee a few hours later. Because of there being no other tourists in most of the places we went nobody spoke English and the extent of our Italian is Buongiorno and Grazie and Alfredo.

Asking for directions is 1/5 times helfpul. Often you will be sent in some random direction because there is no logical route to anything. You sort of have to make time for getting lost at some point. We went to St. Mark's Square which was really awesome but we had to walk through the busiest and most expensive area. Once we got to the square its hugeness was a very intense feeling.






Its majesty was cheapened by all the souvenir vendors, gondola hawkers, and ROSE SELLERS! A guy who's first language was neither English or Italian walked up and tried to shove a rose into our hands. We said we didn't want to buy anything and continued to walk away but he ran after
us trying to put it in our hands. We said we didn't want to buy anything and he said: "No no no!" and I asked: "You're telling me this is free?" and he was like: "YES" and shoved it in my hand. I was like: "Um, okaay..." and we akwardly walked away. He followed so closely behind us I was constantly checking my pockets and looking behind me. He started saying: "Okay, just give me a little money..." and we said: "You said it was free!" and he said: "I have no job! No money!" I took one look at his Gucci jeans and Pumas and shoved the flower back in his hands and we walked away.

The first day we walked one half of Venice and then today we walked all over the other half. From St. Mark's we walked down to the Giardini Pubblici. Joel found a bathroom and the swings and that was fun. There was this big tortoise-shell shaped swing. There was also elderly exercise equipment.

Indirizzo:

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More too come.
Crappy expensive internet.
















Someone almost stole the camera. No joke.




















Mario. Venice's best dressed and cleavage afficionado.
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SOOO there was some kind of mechanical failure and we had to emergency stop in Montreal overnight. They put me up in a creepy Quality Inn but whatevs. My flight left at 10:30am Montreal time and I got here around 10pm London time. It was a bit of a nightmare but I was alone and had no baggage to drop off or check so it was all good.

On the plane I sat with my Nana in 20 years but Irish. She was ancient and asked me awkward questions like: "Do you think that man will bomb us?" and stuff.

I'm in London now at the hostel. I'm so tired. We have to leave in a few hours to go to Gatwick so I'm afraid I won't see ANYTHING in London. I just had a shower and I have sent Joel out to bring me food, contact lens solution, and razors. He is so happy I'm here I'm finding it easy to make him my slave. lol. Actually, its because I'm so dead tired I can barely keep my eyeballs open

I took the tube. It was ridiculously easy. I looked into the Gap and the Gap looked into me....
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This isn't so much a meme as a comment thread from Pajiba's Dustin's Eloquent Christmas Buying Guide.

This Christmas, if money were no object, what would you buy for:

1) Your Parents
2) Your Significant Other
3) Your Child(ren)
4) Your Best Friend
-------------------------------------------------------

1. I'd get my parents a vacation place down in Puerto Vallarta or maybe a place in San Francisco for the winter. (I know it snowed there this winter, but still, it'd be beautiful).

2. Malamute Puppy! He seriously wants one of these little guys so badly. Plus it would also be a bit of a gift for me because I will get to play with it and love it and snuggle it, but it will be his job to take it out to poo in the middle of the night and feed it and train it, etc etc.

3. For children I'm going to say Annie and Meredith because they are like little sisters.
For Meredith
I'd get her a really nice condo downtown where she could have everything organized to her specific way and she could also sleep whenever she wanted to and watch whatever she wanted on tv. Maybe also a sexy live in butler.
For Annie
I guess I'd get her some kind of Mr. Universe pad so she'd never have to leave her room and could just live from her office chair.

4. I'd get her a full wardrobe of regency period costumes and a country house with regency period staff where she could live out her life LARPing with Laura and whenever we visit her we aren't allowed on the grounds without regency costume.
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This was an email to my mum in the middle of the night, but I'd like to reuse it as a blog entry as I choose to convey the same message.

Pretty much discovered the best branch of anthropology tonight.

CYBORG ANTHROPOLOGY!

It was launched as a genuine subspeciality at the AAA (American Anthropological Association) in '93 but I've never heard about it before! Here's an article about it. (converted to HTML for convenience.)

I can't read the whole thing right now, but I just came across it in that article I brought from home ("Science, Technology and Human Values") and the thought of it has been exciting me. It reminds me of Susan Calvin (from the Asimov books) who's a "robopsychologist". I SHOULD BECOME THE FIRST ROBO-PSYCHOLOGIST!!

I can't wait for robots to start developing their own cultural pratices and beliefs. My own computer likes to turn French every hour or so. Is it right of me to make it understand English, when it's obviously its second language and we both speak both? Now that technology can "outsmart" humans, are they sentient and is it possible to "own" them? ARE THEY OUR SLAVES? I'm so distracted right now.
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There is only one good Christmas song in the world.




You know its true!
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"Now, it would be churlish of me to take all the credit for his subsequent success but in his heart Obama knows that to some degree my wisecracking put him in the Oval Office and it's payback time."

Russell's Football Column in the Guardian

I miss him and Matt and Gee and Noelie so much... my Saturdays are bleak and cold without him and not just because its November.

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So beautiful....

I hate waking up in the morning, but something feels satisfying about waking up early and coming to work, being a friendly face, reading the newspaper, doing the crossword, etc. Then I get to go home at 3pm and feel like I was productive so I can just loaf.

In other news, Joel is telling me that reading books is "supporting the killing of trees"... Dear lord.
I'm so addicted. I've spent an hour folding protein.




FOLD IT!!!!
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This is funny. My friend posted it on Facebook and I want to post it on my facebook, but isn't that copying?

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She's not married with kids! LET'S GET HER!!!! *western society raises pitchforks and rakes*

This drives me nuts! I hate "poor lonely Jen" coverage. This is clearly the media's attempt to drive it into women everywhere that even if you are a gazillionaire and good at your job and have tons of friends- you are a complete failure at life if you don't settle down and have 18 hundred babies. I read this great article at Macleans about the whole situation (see below quote).




“This whole ‘Poor lonely Jen’ thing, this idea that I’m so unlucky in love? I actually feel I’ve been unbelievably lucky in love,” she told Vogue. “Just because at this stage my life doesn’t have the traditional framework to it—the husband and the two kids and the house in Connecticut—it’s mine. It’s my experience. And if you don’t like the way it looks, then stop looking at it!”
(source)

Seriously, if I'm ever a successful, beautiful, strong, independent woman- SHOOT ME IN THE SPLEEN! Not only would it disappoint me, but society as a whole.
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Oh man. This is my favourite guy in the running for the new Doctor.



The Beeb is pretty conservative so who knows if they'd go for a black guy. Seriously though, he has that Doctory look to him. Then if his daughter comes into the mix people can be like: "um... wait..."

In other news a creepy French business man tried to bribe me to get the keys into the hostel to take like 12 of his friends. It was so sketch. He was like "What if $50 bucks from your dear Uncle Frank was in it for you?" and I said: "Still no..." It was so alarming. YOU ARE NOT MY UNCLE! AND EVEN THEN I WOULDN'T CALL YOU UNCLE BECAUSE YOU ARE CREEPY AND YOU'D LIKELY BE ESTRANGED FROM MY WHOLE FAMILY!

Sigh.

I hope tries something drastic to get into the hostel before realizing that its a prison and he can really do nothing to get in short of getting the code off someone. Even then, I guard the only door and have cameras everywhere. I'm like the controller BITCHES!
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Today is excellent.

In my hot little hands I hold my valid Canadian passport and a plane ticket to London, UK. There I will meet my stunningly handsome boyfriend and we will backpack across Europe to his home in Norway. Then we will spend a perfect little Christmas together and I'll stay for a few weeks and then fly home :(

I'm so excited. My imagination is running wild! I won't be able to sleep for 39 days.
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Immediate attention.


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