Whole Grain Reading Material

Adoring and loving public,
I'd like to take a second totell you that magazines are SO EFFING EXPENSIVE nowadays. I can only assume because they make less revenue as everything is online now. Please please please go out and support the print publications you love or they will become so expensive to produce that it will all just stop. I love my magazines and don't want them to be expensive, or worse, completely out of print.

Its nice to have everything online but I like having back issues to flip through. Especially because you never know when you'll be writing a project and all of a sudden you remember something relevant in National Geographic and its right there in a file under your desk.

Meredith and I keep all our magazines and journals stowed away in our little storage box ottoman foot stools. I keep all my National Geographic in a special cubby hole in my giant desk full of nooks and crannies (along with super recent issues that I like to flip through for a month or two before they get filed away in the box).

These were the magazines on my desk:

Come on dear readers,
Support print publication!
Mainly Nate Geo!

RETURN OF THE HORRIFIC HAIKU

Yes! Here comes another one! Remember when every post ended in one? Well I was just reading a paper called "When the Mother of Race is Free' and felt that Darwin was particularly sexist and was inspired. I have to go through four readings tonight for the class "Women, Race and Power" so I wouldn't be surprised if a few more feminist haiku's pop up.

Oh my dear Ovum,
Lame! You are just a sperm bin!
Patriarchy sucks!

Scary Pencil

Tomorrow hopefully I'm going out with Sue and Meredith for lunchie and then going to doctor's at 2:30. Then Friday I have WHMIS training and then catching the VIA Train to Picton. Saturday is Alysson's lovely party and also the new Doctor Who and then Sunday morning I'm coming home, sleeping, and then working a night shift at 11pm.

Also, I EFFING LOVE my DS and all my gamey games and my little case for it. So cute.

I'm so tired so NIGHTY NIGHT.

Yo! Scary pencil!
Dear God! Please don't draw black holes!
I'll get sucked away!

Blog Action Day

The Earth is done for,
And I'm stuck on this ship now.
Looking back at it.

A big empty void
Is where our planet once was.
Now just a dead rock.

All of it is gone.
We'll never see it again.
Looking from afar.


(That picture is from my East Coast vacation with my family. My sister, mother, and I standing in mud at low tide. It's home to the highest tides in the world you know.)

So today is Blog Action Day, and I'm participating by writing a poem about the future when our planet is uninhabitable and we have to vacate the premises. It would be upsetting and horrific. Think of all the great things that have happened here. I was born here, my grandparents were born here. My entire genetic history was born here and so was yours. I imagine it would be akin to seeing your entire life burn up- reduced to a few pictures in a backpack and a pair of clean socks.

To counteract this bleak and dim future, I suggest changing some small stuff about your daily routine. I'm no environmental expert, but here is a link to Lifehacker's 10 Easy Ways To Go Green article.

To get you in an Earth saving mood, watch Al Gore's An Inconvenient Truth... it's SUPER cheap and stuff. Plus, there's this sad bit involving a polar bear which will kick your butt into shape, man.

"You see that pale, blue dot? That's us. Everything that has ever happened in all of human history, has happened on that pixel. All the triumphs and all the tragedies, all the wars all the famines, all the major advances... it's our only home. And that is what is at stake, our ability to live on planet Earth, to have a future as a civilization. I believe this is a moral issue, it is your time to cease this issue, it is our time to rise again to secure our future. " -Al Gore, An Inconvenient Truth, 2006.

Wiki Me a Degree!

Blah, so many of you know that me and my philosophy prof don't get on so well, mainly on account of him being a poor, sad philosophy professor and me... well being the opposite really. He mocks my lifestyle choices and pretty much uses Greek philosophy to validate his own life. In any case, as you can guess whenever he starts lecturing me in front of the class about what Antisthenes would think of my life (and I can tell you, he probably wouldn't think too highly of it) my eyes sort of glaze over and I think about how I am really craving some kind of cola, and when he's done his elitist diatribe I will go to the machine and procure one.

In any case, I do actually enjoy philosophy and I want to do well in the course. So I've been going through old philosophy notes and looking on the internet to get a better understanding of the different schools of thought. Well, being lazy, I ended up on Wikipedia. I realized my mistake the second I looked at the page:

Sigh

Ok, I like shoes!
I like gadgets and booze!
You are an old fart.

(The sad part is, he isn't even old... maybe early thirties...)

You're So Vain!

You probably thing this song is about you!!







Use lots of hairspray!
Don't use an aerosol can,
You'll make a sky hole!

When I Play Lego Starwars

Sometimes I see a
Little fluff float by my head.
Am I the Deathstar?

(P.S. In my head the fluffs are tiny renegade fighter jets.)

Russell Brand! I refuse to believe it!

Russell Brand, my love,
They say you have a tiny...
Well you know... small thing.

The a/c just made crackling sounds and DIED. Died like Bambi's mom.

Ohhh Uncle Richard

I came home and almost tucked in to some Kraft Dinner, when my Aunt Kathy from Toronto calls. They are in town over at the Minto Place, so I met up with them. Little Jake desperately wanted some Micky Dees, so we went to the one on Bank and chowed down.

Then we went over to the Parliament Buildings for the light show but were about twenty minutes early. Kathy took a gazillion pictures and then we watched the light show. It's a short film about Canada's history and culture, etc. At the end Oh Canada comes on and it's sooo beautiful, I secretly teared up a bit. I don't think Meredith likes it, but it's because her heart is cold.

Uncle Richard is definitely one of my faves. A) He's hilarious B) He and I have the most random conversations.

Exhibit A:

*at the parliament buildings*

Richard: What is that music? Stompin Tom Connors? No, no... that's not it.
Me: I love the architecture here. So beautiful.
Richard: Who the hell is it. It will come to me.
Me: The doors, I loove the doors...
Richard: No, no... it's not The Doors.
Me: No. The actual doors. The architecture of them.
*a moment of silence passes*
Richard: If that gargoyle fell, it could kill a man. *sound effect with fist punching palm movement*

KD in my tum!
You never settle well there...
Yet I still eat you.

Nina Simone Keeps Me Alive

Today Sue and I met up and had drinks at The Blue Cactus. We also had some calimari with this excellent asian dipping sauce. They also served tortilla with an amazing guacamole which had some kind of melon topping it. I never thought to add a sweet fruit to guacamole and you can bet I'm doing it in the future. I also had a Bailey's Banana Colada. A chick drink if I ever tasted one, but it was wonderful. I think I'm going to forward the recipe to mum and dad. It's right up their alley. Sue and I talked about her niece and nephew and her family stuff and I talked about how I hate boys but love them also... gawd they're stupid.


My Nina Simone
CD is the greatest friend
A girly could have!

Why Do You Fail Me LJ

How am I supposed to funnel my daily thoughts onto the interblag without livejournal. (Some kind of poweroutage knocked out it out.) It's horrifiying. I started writing a note on facebook and I was quite shocked that I still had to type out the html. So I decided that I'd come back to Blogger and write this out. Then I realized that I had to write a haiku and find an adorable picture to put next to it.

In a pink tutu,
Singing songs for Howard Moon,
You know, I'm OOOLD GREEEGGG!

Anyway, because I just made the Ontario Modwolves group I have Boosh on the brain. Let the record show, Boosh sounds like the street name for a cheap drug.

I'm very bored. TV is boring. Internet is boring. Tuesday night/Wednesday morning... What's a girl to do? I just got this black short-sleeved jersey minidress (that's a lot of adjectives). I desperately need to go out and wear it. Meredith and I wanted to go out this weekend, unfortunately I barely worked last week and had a mini pay check so we'll see what happens after we buy groceries on Thursday. (Notice: I had enough to buy the new dress with many adjectives...)

I'm bored. Call me up! We can go for a romp or something.

P.S. I think I'll just paste this into a Facebook note...

Cat Post

I'm going to visit my parents and friends from the 4th-6th and I'm very excited. I bought a new bathing suit. (In this picture, it's the second from the left.) I'm excited to lie on the beach with Alysson and Annie for a few hours.

I also have a video and a few gazillion pictures of my cats because they were really cute this afternoon and I'm already a crazy spinster. (I'll be the crazy spinster aunt who gives her neices and nephews a quarter to make them like her, but they will think she is cheap and smells funny.)

I have my kitty pictures hosted at Flickr, so just go on over there and check it out. No sense in posting them all here. Friend me on Flickr while your at it.

Here's a video of my KITTEEZ!
----------------------------------------


The wee bikini
Or is it just my bod.
A bit chunky now.

The Grand Return

Hullo my saucy little monkeys,
(I was channeling Craig Ferguson... Sorry I didn't make donkey sounds.)

Sorry it's been so horrendously long since I've updating. I have lots of stuff to update about- Mainly stuff that comes with moving and starting a new job, etc. Sooo, on to the updates:

New Job: I got a job in sales in the Ottawa area and I quite love it, especially because I get to wear fancy clothes and high heels all the time... Actually, I really only like the high heels at the beginning of the day... limping home in them is no fun. (Especially if I have to do a sprint/speed walk home because someone creepy is following me, i.e. Homeless dude.) My favourite part about the job is that if you make a sale over a pre-set amount, you get a star... and after a certain number of stars you get a gift certificate... This is called a "SUPER SALE". I almost made one yesterday and I was only off by a few dollars.

New Apartment: Well, I posted new pictures along with kitty cat pictures in my last post. The apartment is still surprisingly clean and uncluttered. I sweep my floor everyday and compulsively clean my bathroom. (It's completely white so it gets dirty faasst.) Living with Meredith is turning out quite well. We get along and compromise easily. She visits her mum a lot, so it's like living alone sometimes. Also, I live across from a coffee shop and I spend far too much time and money in there.

New Life: I'm completely in love with the boy who works across the street but I get the married and/or gay vibe from him. *le sigh* I don't need a relationship to be happy, but I wouldn't mind one. Also, I can never stay awake for all of Conan anymore. It's upsetting. We're getting satellite during the last week of June (when my parents come to visit) so I'll be able to watch Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert in the afternoons. Leno and Conan will still be a stretch to stay awake for.

Tragedy: Olivia the cat ate TonyDanza the fish. I guess I should have seen that coming.
R.I.P. TonyDanza the fish.

I haven't been to busy to write haikus, even though my life has been busy. I will continue to write them down and record them here. (Not all of them... just some of them.)

-------
They walk together,
For a moment their gaits sync,
But then it's over.

Not A Bad Day

• I finished my last exam! WoOT! I got a 65% on a paper, but my prof said she loves me so I can resubmit.
• Meredith and I made pizza in the new apartment and we learned that the smoke alarm does work. It was hilarious. We used boxes as mini tables and it was sweet.
  
• I bought a new fish and named him Tony Danza. (Don't call him Tony, or Danza, or T.D.... Just Tony Danza!)
• I also bought him a darling new tank with a purpley lid and purpley rocks.
• I installed The Sims 2 Holiday Edition on Meredith's computer and it runs really well so I'm going to put some more packs on tomorrow hopefully.
• On Disorderly Conduct a cop got hit by a car and it was hilarious in a Dane Cook way. (Don't look at me like that, he was fine!)

I'm so excited I can barely write a Haiku... Wait, maybe I'll use it as inspiration:

-----------------------------
This feeling in me,
Like my chest is gonna burst,
And blow happy chunks!!
-----------------------------

Come back bees!

You left cds in my truck!

I'm sure everyone has heard about disappearing bees. I'm SO sad. Fluffly wee bumblebees, COME BACK. Can we trade them for wasps?


Come back bees! Don't go!
We love your small fuzzy 'tocks!
We need you to LIVE!


In other news, I got the keys to my new apartment today. It was previously lived in by two messy boys and I did a preliminary clean through of it. *sigh* There was cat food in the oven element. We're getting a new one this summer though, so WOO. Also, my parents are bringing the cats and my furniture up this weekend so I'll be able to move in completely then. I can't wait to snuggle my kitties and hold them in my arms.

Heart= Still Achey

My head is turning.

Tummy still quite hungry,
Not like my heart is.

Also, I'm adding in this random picture of Jayne Cobb because Meredith and I finished watching Firefly and then watched Serenity (first time for her, gazillionth time for me). My love for Jayne is... strong. Why is he such a hottie?

I think this crazy schoolgirl crush is a result of being single forever and yearning ubermacho guys.



Also, I admit that this haiku was somewhat inspired by the song If Love Is A Red Dress, Hang Me In Rags by Maria McKee:

My heart is empty.
Your eyes are dark.
Once we were hungry,
Now we are full.
These chains that bind us,
Can't beat these chains.
If love is shelter,
I'm gonna walk in the rain.
See all lyrics.

Identity Crisis

What am I doing?
I really should be out there
Living adventure.

I'm living the wrong life here and it makes my soul ache. Why are there no jobs for people like me? I want to live a nomadic/adventurous life with purpose. Delivering medicine/supplies to crazy places, building houses, travelling all the time. This soft-palmed life is crushing me. I know that most people who know me now can't see me getting my hands dirty or doing any work for that matter, but you didn't know me when I worked on the farm. I loved it more than you can know. I dream about it- Fixing things, helping people, having missions and jobs and goals. Gritting my teeth and doing it. I loved it so much, but now who knows what I'll spend the rest of my life doing....

No Good

I don't think you know
Exactly what's going on here.
I'm really no good.
-----------------------
Maybe you are blind
Or maybe you can see things
That no one else does.





Today I bought Firefly on DVD and it's so good. I'm watching it again with Meredith. (She hasn't seen the series or the movie!!) We are in the middle of Bushwacked.

Friday the 13th

It's rainy and gross in Ottawa. I got together with some people from my Poli Sci class and we watched Ghosts of Rwanda. It was upsetting, as you can well imagine. Anyway, I wrote a few haikus:

I wonder about
That poor commander, Dallaire.
How does he sleep now?
----------------
Here there are strangers.
I am the only person
Who doesn't know them.
----------------
Spare hair, on my book,
How will I know who's you are?
Maybe the colour.
----------------
You are in my chest,
Hacking and scraping away.
Can't I just study?

Now I need to go scrounge up some grub and study a bit more. Then I need to go grocery shopping and do laundry.

Ouch

In my mouth I chew,
My jaw is starting to hurt.
Oh, Hubba Bubba!
-------------------

In other news, Google Map blurs out certain places. WTH? That's so creepy. Notice the U.S. has the most blurred out. And The Netherlands, what's with that?

Sooo creepy.