Alright, so I wrote my history test today. It wasn't as bad as I thought. I was freaking out a little beforehand, but now I see that I was just being over critical of my intelligence. (I spent my third period spare watching Flying Circus w. a cute guy btw.) Anyway, I stayed a few minutes late to finish up the test and missed my bus, so I got my Nana to pick me up. Then I napped at her house. I'm kind of angry because I've just gone on a super strict diet that doesn't include ice cream or Girl Guide Cookies.
I went for a walk with Sandy today. We jogged a bit, but I'm so out of shape, that speed walking was my best bet. Whenever I feel a bit of pain or discomfort, I know that I'm getting healthier. Weird, but true I think. I know that I seem like I'm a bit obsessed about this whole exercise/eat healthy thing, but it's the only way that I can be healthy.
Gah, so I came in and had a shower and made a mental note to wear bug spray next time. And I always forget the sports bra, so I'm speedwalking along, bouncing at the speed of breast, and I curse the day my breasts grew. (I made an lj entry about it. Had pictures.)
Also, I'm packing this weekend. Sorting through my immeasurable amount of crap. What goes with me? What goes to storage? What goes to Annie? What do I still need to buy? What goes in the trash? I'm so confused by it all, looking at the next little while on my calendar, trying to fit stuff in. I'm afriad of stuff going sour, but I guess that's life man. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. When I saw I'm afraid of stuff going sour, I guess I just mean, I'm afraid of everything going sour- life in general. I see my life as a chain reaction, events caused by events, caused by events, caused by events (determinism if you will). So sometimes in my mind, I get a thought process like this:
Don't study enough -> Fail test -> Low average -> university acceptance retracted -> don't go to uni -> trapped in the County ->become bum -> waste life -> die a nothing
I can't help it, that's just the way I think. So that's why I study hardy. lol. Well, I'm sleepy and Marie just said she was moving back to the County at the end of April and I'm ecstatic because she is a wonderful gal whom I adddorrre!
I've been so good, not eating any of it. I want to soo bad, it's like heroin, (chocolate). Oh! My dad and I went grocery shopping, and he buys all this really awesome stuff, that is ridiculously bad for me, like TWO TUBS of ice cream! My favourite kinds too. But I looked at the nutritional label, and it said if I have 125ml, it's only 150 calories. Which is a lot, but I can cut something else out if I'm desperate. And it doesn't have much fat either, like, 5g I think. Anyways, so I carefully measure it and it this tiny little bit of ice cream and savour every bloody drop. I guess it makes up for my three missed yogurts today (which add up to that tiny bit of icecream). I was still within my calorie limit too. I can't believe that I've become a calorie counter, but I just imagine what it'll be like to walk into a store and be able to try on whatever I want and not worry about sizing.
I went for a walk with Sandy today. We jogged a bit, but I'm so out of shape, that speed walking was my best bet. Whenever I feel a bit of pain or discomfort, I know that I'm getting healthier. Weird, but true I think. I know that I seem like I'm a bit obsessed about this whole exercise/eat healthy thing, but it's the only way that I can be healthy.
Gah, so I came in and had a shower and made a mental note to wear bug spray next time. And I always forget the sports bra, so I'm speedwalking along, bouncing at the speed of breast, and I curse the day my breasts grew. (I made an lj entry about it. Had pictures.)
Also, I'm packing this weekend. Sorting through my immeasurable amount of crap. What goes with me? What goes to storage? What goes to Annie? What do I still need to buy? What goes in the trash? I'm so confused by it all, looking at the next little while on my calendar, trying to fit stuff in. I'm afriad of stuff going sour, but I guess that's life man. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. When I saw I'm afraid of stuff going sour, I guess I just mean, I'm afraid of everything going sour- life in general. I see my life as a chain reaction, events caused by events, caused by events, caused by events (determinism if you will). So sometimes in my mind, I get a thought process like this:
Don't study enough -> Fail test -> Low average -> university acceptance retracted -> don't go to uni -> trapped in the County ->become bum -> waste life -> die a nothing
I can't help it, that's just the way I think. So that's why I study hardy. lol. Well, I'm sleepy and Marie just said she was moving back to the County at the end of April and I'm ecstatic because she is a wonderful gal whom I adddorrre!
