Comments: (0)
Well, I feel so much better now that my trip to Mexico is only a couple of days away. I'm aware that I'm not as prepared as I'd like to be. I spent a few days with Alysson lamenting in laziness, playing video games and staying up until the wee hours of the morning. We've had some good times this week though.

I've also been washing summer clothes like mad. (And buying them too.) I got a new bikini and shorts and this really beautiful long, flowy one. (There will be pictures from me wearing it Mexico, I guarantee you.) A lot of earth tones, like usual. I just love earthy colours. A lot of things I buy are hand wash, though, so I've been slaving away over a cold basin scrubbing clothes and hanging them up on a makeshift clothes line downstairs. I've also vaccuumed the entire house today. And done regular laundry aswell. Hopefully later tonight, when I've gotten off the computer, I'll put together all my travel stuff and take inventory. My anal retentive mother has put together a list of all the items we have to pack and next to each item is the amount of the item we have to bring. It's upsetting really. :)

Shorts (3)
Underwear (8)
Skirts (3)

I just can't handle it. *sigh*
Comments: (0)
I am feeling very relieved and happy right now. Throughout this semester I've been working on two projects that have taken up a lot of my time, thoughts and energy. They have been hovering over my shoulder, bothering me, for this entire semester. I'm happy to say that they are both finished. Caput... I stayed up all night yesterday and finally crawled into bed around 5am. I awoke at 6am and showered and got ready for school. My father, who had been listening to the radio in his car, called us to tell us to listen to the radio. It was a long list of bus cancellations. We listened intently for bus 603.... 599, 600, 601, 602, .... 604! DAMN! We were so angry, but we trudged out to the bus stop in the pouring rain and strong wind. We waited in the bus stop for around 20 minutes... The bus never came. So we went back inside and decided to watch Chicken Run because Annie was doing impressions of Mrs. Tweedy and we were getting all riled up. Of course I fell asleep the second I hit the couch. So I slept from about 8:00 to noon. Annie and I ate some quesidillas and then I went over my report again. The printer ran out of black ink, so my entire report is printed in blue ink. (It looks fine. No worries.)

This afternoon I watched Dracula and played on the Sims 2 and got excited about the next expansion pack due out sometime in Spring, March I think. My female sim who was newlywed and pregnant almost died a few times throughout her pregnancy, but she toughed it out and produced a lovely baby boy named Eitan. Eitan was a very smart baby and toddler, and we flew through those terrible years quite quickly. When he grew into a boy we decided that the small bungalow was a bit cramped, so my family packed up and went house hunting. We decided on a 2 storybrick and stucco home with 2 bedrooms and a huge backyard. The kitchen and dining room are perfect and so is the living area. I'm excited to play with them now that I have the time. I'm also excited to play with my PS2. While I've been so busy it's been sitting in our entertainment unit looking very lonely. I may even play it tomorrow after school, (or possibly before).

I'm off to bed. This will have been the earliest I've gone to bed in quite some time. I'm so happy to be getting more than a few hours of interrupted sleep in a row. I have two small assignments to due tomorrow night, and a presentation on the weekend, but those are relatively simple assignments compared to the 30some page report I just finished.

By the way, if you would like to read my report, here it is.
The test of any friendship is when you go through a rough time. A good friend will make attempts to reach out to you and hear about your problems and talk them through with you. The worst feeling, however, is when you suddenly realise that most of your friends aren't good friends. At the first instance of trouble they scamper off to their world of perfection and giggles with other people. I have a few good friends who have endured a few years of toil at my hands, but I have recieved my due comeuppance in the form of their problems. I guess my mistake in the past has been to treat everyone as a good friend. I have made a concious effort to remedy that recently. My efforts will probably be met with denial and avoidance. (Al, Keebs... You two are my gold star friends though, so no worries.) I guess I'm just mad that the second I'm not all bubblegum and sugardrops half of my 'friends' have hit the deck. True colours shine through I guess, and their colours are pink and candycorn orange.
Comments: (0)
Well, it took me several hours, but I’ve almost half finished the body copy for my paper due Wednesday. The best news is that I already blasted through the longest toughest part. Because I didn’t think that tomorrow afternoon was enough time to get this puppy finished, I packed up all my research in clearly labeled brown envelopes and all my books and magazines that I’m referencing are coming with me as well. Now I can work on it tomorrow, hopefully during 2nd period, 4th period and lunch. There is an extra 3 hours and 15 minutes. I know that this is severely last minute, but everything has to be this semester. My due dates are all really close together, and all the projects are high intensity. I have two projects that aren’t due until Monday, but they are small projects (a quick essay and a presentation). I might have to drop some social stuff this weekend so that I can finish those puppies up, but I’m pretty sure I can finish them Wednesday and Thursday night. That way I can go out and relax for once in a long time.

You’d think I’d be completely sick of typing since I’ve spent the last several hours of my life doing just that, but I actually feel much better after I get rid of my thoughts onto paper. I feel much more confident when I hear my seemingly sordid situation in a light way.

Sleep deprivation is starting to effect me. I’m getting those little visual hallucinations of bouncing balls of light and they always bounce right out of my vision and I whip around looking for them before I realize it’s just my body telling me to sleep. I’m also hearing little whispers and clicks, but they are so faint and far away, sometimes it seems like voices of people I know. It’s really an odd phenomenon. I think that I am hearing real sounds, but just sort of amplified, like just before you need to pop your ears. (By the way, if any clinical psychologists are reading this and they think that I’m a paranoid schizophrenic or something, gladly tell me.) Quite frankly, I’m getting whiplash from my life and some nice drugs would make me full 110% better.

I better be off to bed, I’m feeling a growing sense of dread. I wish these thoughts would just get out my head before I’m dead, but it would be quite a shame, for I am quite well-read, and not easily led, and I think that these qualities give a person cred.

I’m sorry, sometimes I just spout off rhyme. Especially because I’m exhausted and listening to Bowie during his ‘heavy user’ era.
Comments: (0)
I have just seriously considered trying to tape the beat of a song using only the noise of me crunching on carrots. That is what is happening to my mind right now. I would like to take a break from writing about breasts and bums and vaginas, but it is the bed I made, so I will have to sleep in it too. (Perhaps the breasts and bums and vaginas will be there.) I feel severely exhausted, but it’s starting to become euphoric. A strange smile creeps across my face at random times during the day, probably mostly when I’m sitting alone. I’m also very angry and irritable at the same time. I have no patience for people and things that I normally have patience for. (I’m sure the people who really know me, noticed long ago… Yes, Alysson, I see your looks of amusement when I chew out a thumper. LoL.) But in a week’s time, this strange euphoric irritability will be gone, replaced with my relative patience and political correctness. I hope that some of my less fortunate friends will be able to understand that when people go through stress and exhaustion, they really don’t care if they hurt your feelings or not. (In fact, it feels sort of good, boosts your confidence up at a time when you really have none of it.) That, of course, is no excuse, but I’d like to announce that I see a light at the end of this dizzying and nauseating tunnel, so hopefully I will be out in time for my friends to not believe I’ve turned into a complete and utter cunt. I also maintain the hope that the light at the end of the tunnel isn’t some large and frightening vehicle bent on my destruction… That was the tunnel’s intention, it seems.
I'm feeling extremely exhausted from accumulating sleep debt. I'm having little microsleeps every half hour or so. I guess it's mainly because of demands, failures, setbacks, worries, pressures, and in general, just accumulating stress. I had a migraine yesterday, which only exasterbates the situation. Yesterday I had a bit of a meltdown. I trashed my entire room and it looked a bit like I was robbed. Tomorrow, I'm going to go to my first class, hand in all my assignments for the day, and then go home to my Nana's for sleep. (Well, I'm probably going to go tanning and stuff first.) I'm extremely tired right now, but I think I'm going to stick it out for another half hour. Maybe I'll have a tea and watch My Name is Earl and The Office and then hit the sack. Everything is ready to go in the morning, besides my lack of clean clothing. (Oh well, who cares, I'm only going for an hour and a half anyways.)

If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.

Comments: (0)
Normally, in Canada, January and February are the coldest months. I can remember winters when the temperature was almost -40 celsius. Today it was about 2 celsius and tomorrow the temperature is supposed to rise to about 8 celsius. I'm extremely worried about getting a migraine. Luckily today is kind of a work week at school, so I don't have to worry about missing a lesson. (Maybe for math, but I can catch up on that easily.) I just don't want to risk it because everytime I go to school to see how things will work out I end up vomitting in the school bathrooms and having to explain Bickerstaff's Syndrome a hundred times while dealing with the flickering flourescent lights and the squealing, giggling girls who frequent this town. I think I will just stay home, I'll probably end up getting more done in the long run.


When I finish my papers on human mate selection and female beauty I'll post them here for the world to read, enjoy and criticize. They will probably go unnoticed, like all the other stuff I write, dismissed as a naive perspective on ancient topics or never seen at all. I wonder how many Oscar Wildes and Margaret Atwoods and Michael Moores are being obscured by the sheer amount of literature in the world, unable to be seen by the right people at the right time.


Last night the dog Marley from Marley and Me died in the book and I was so upset. Not angry-upset, emotional-upset. The dog Marley was just like Sandy in almost every way, right down to the bad habits and weird personality quirks. So while I was reading, I had come to see Sandy in my head as I was reading along. When he died I just broke down and bawled and sobbed. I had to wake up Sandy, who was sleeping peacefully and alive under the couch, and pull him to bed with me. Sandy is very disturbed when I am upset, and especially when I'm crying. His tail goes between his legs and he presses his forehead against mine looking me in the eyes. He somtimes tries to lightly lick away the tears on my cheeks. He lied at the head of the bed with me until I fell asleep, which is rare because he likes to sleep at the foot of my bed where my arms don't flail around and wake him up. Sandy slept right next to him where I could hold his long 'mane'. (I call it a mane because the hair around his face and on his chest is just like a lion's mane.) Normally I hold the end of his long fluffy tail, but last night he stayed face to face with me, risking bodily injury, to help me fall asleep. (He also does this when I'm having a horrible migraine.)


Well, I better try to get a little work done before retiring for the night. I get the feeling that I won't be going to school tomorrow, but I'd still like to wake up bright and early so I can get a lot of work done. I bet I can burn through a few projects and get them finished tomorrow so I won't have to crunch as bad at school for the rest of the week.

This week is blowing by quickly. I can't believe that tomorrow is going to be Wednesday. Exams are fast approaching, but so is my vacation to Mexico. I went tanning today again. (I'm going to try to go every night until we leave.) I'm also trying to get a little more exercise in before I go because I have to fit into my shorts and bathing suit from the summer when I swam and walked and jogged everyday. (Unfortunately, there is nowhere to run/walk in the winter. I might as well be trying to run in a stream. Maybe I will give it a shot tomorrow afternoon if it isn't too wet, but there will most likely be a lot of melting.)

I guess I better get a move on and get ready for bed. Maybe if I have a hot bath before I go to sleep I'll sleep better. My mom is watching The Constant Gardener which I'm really not in the mood for, so maybe I'll go watch something in my room or read.
I've just finished the last bit of my first draft on my paper Factors Affecting Human Mate Selection. It was a tad rushed, and I'm confused about the format that the teacher wanted. (It's her first year and she is standing in for our new-mother teacher.) There is a lot of conflict between what we were told to do in the begining and what this new stand in has told us to do. Luckily I have an editing session tomorrow and the final needs to be finished for Friday. I would like to add in more connections and quotes because I don't think there are very many scattered within the sprawling twenty page report.

I also have to finish the first draft of my other research paper entitled The Changing Perception of Female Beauty by Friday as well. It will probably be more difficult than the paper I just took almost a week to write. I guess I will just do a heading every day, I'll make the deadline. I need to print out some more surveys tonight, or email them to people. I just need some more male participants, so if you are interested in taking the survey email me and tell me, and I'll email the word document to you and you can just fill it out in an email. I need them ASAP, but because I had the other research assignment deadline first, it took priority.

Tomorrow first thing I have to finish the Caption Contest photo and maybe slip in an announcement before class so people will know about it. Unfortunately, it is also a bit late, but this, I'm somewhat pleased to say, is through no fault of my own. I have a completely useless teacher in journalism. I tried transfering out of it, but it was no use. To make matters worse, in my first term exhuberance, I took on the role of the Grad Supplement Editor. (It's like a small yearbook to give Grads before they leave.) It has to be done before March break I believe. (I may have my G2 by then! Crazy...)

I've also got to finish up some work for my math class. (It's almost insulting it's so simple.) I'm in all advanced level classes, and it's a general stream. I felt like I was back in primary school. The kids in the class act like it enough. The teacher is young and I get along with her so I'm not completely alone in the class. I'm also friends with the assistant to the disabled girl. (Just phsyical, not mental.) We are working on a project together that is also due on Friday. (I don't know what I'm going to do with all these Friday deadlines. They are truly heinous.)

Tonight on my hour break, Annie and I watched an episode of Dead Like Me. I really hope they bring that show back. I really loved it. I'd go on and on about it, but unfortunately my tea has run out long ago and the friendly boost has gone along with it. My contact lenses are starting to scratch dryly at my eyes and the late night MSNers are coming on. I've got to wake up in six hours, and I'd like to get a REM cycle in tonight, as bogus and impossible that actually is.
Comments: (0)
Well, hello I guess. This is my first post. I have a livejournal that I post in regularly, but they have become startling and upsetting, and I'm ready to make an optomistic, yet silly blog about me and my opinions and life that isn't all drama.

So today I was back to school after two weeks vacation. It was quite exhausting because I was still on my semi-nocturnal schedule and I passed out cold at least three times over an assignment or textbook. I have a bit of black ink on my cheek from drool mixing with freshly printed paper. Well, I guess tonight I better hop into bed around 10 or 11 so I can have a decent night's sleep. (If I go to bed early, the whole whack will be thrown off and I'll wake up at midnight or something.) I'll admit to snoozing off a bit in the tanning booth. There's something about dozing naked in a heated, glass coffin that is strangely appealing. I'm going to go every night after school. (Tomorrow I'm taking Marie with me.... no! Not in the tanning booth with me, she will have the other tanning booth and we will relax and enjoy it.) I'm glad that I can share my tanning session with her. She's done a lot for me and I'm proud to give her one of my sessions. (Yeah, I know... they are only a few dollars, but it's the thought that counts.) Twenty minutes of heated silence (or music should you bring a walkman) is just what the doctor ordered sometimes.

I'm currently reading the book Marley and Me by John Grogan. It's a really sweet account of his earlier life, starting a family with his wife and their large, boisterous, ADHD suffering pooch, a lab retriever named Marley, (like Bob Marley). There were so many moments in the book where I laughed my guts out recounting memories of my own large, boisterous pooch (a golden retriever) commiting the same puppy offences. I can relate to having to pry open the mammoth jaws and sticking my arm down the dog's throat in search of some precious trinket, and sifting through poopie should I be unable to recover such a trinket before the ineveitable happened.

I guess that is all for me for now because I have three huge projects that I'm working on and they will pretty much consume my evenings for the rest of the week.