The test of any friendship is when you go through a rough time. A good friend will make attempts to reach out to you and hear about your problems and talk them through with you. The worst feeling, however, is when you suddenly realise that most of your friends aren't good friends. At the first instance of trouble they scamper off to their world of perfection and giggles with other people. I have a few good friends who have endured a few years of toil at my hands, but I have recieved my due comeuppance in the form of their problems. I guess my mistake in the past has been to treat everyone as a good friend. I have made a concious effort to remedy that recently. My efforts will probably be met with denial and avoidance. (Al, Keebs... You two are my gold star friends though, so no worries.) I guess I'm just mad that the second I'm not all bubblegum and sugardrops half of my 'friends' have hit the deck. True colours shine through I guess, and their colours are pink and candycorn orange.
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Well, it took me several hours, but I’ve almost half finished the body copy for my paper due Wednesday. The best news is that I already blasted through the longest toughest part. Because I didn’t think that tomorrow afternoon was enough time to get this puppy finished, I packed up all my research in clearly labeled brown envelopes and all my books and magazines that I’m referencing are coming with me as well. Now I can work on it tomorrow, hopefully during 2nd period, 4th period and lunch. There is an extra 3 hours and 15 minutes. I know that this is severely last minute, but everything has to be this semester. My due dates are all really close together, and all the projects are high intensity. I have two projects that aren’t due until Monday, but they are small projects (a quick essay and a presentation). I might have to drop some social stuff this weekend so that I can finish those puppies up, but I’m pretty sure I can finish them Wednesday and Thursday night. That way I can go out and relax for once in a long time.

You’d think I’d be completely sick of typing since I’ve spent the last several hours of my life doing just that, but I actually feel much better after I get rid of my thoughts onto paper. I feel much more confident when I hear my seemingly sordid situation in a light way.

Sleep deprivation is starting to effect me. I’m getting those little visual hallucinations of bouncing balls of light and they always bounce right out of my vision and I whip around looking for them before I realize it’s just my body telling me to sleep. I’m also hearing little whispers and clicks, but they are so faint and far away, sometimes it seems like voices of people I know. It’s really an odd phenomenon. I think that I am hearing real sounds, but just sort of amplified, like just before you need to pop your ears. (By the way, if any clinical psychologists are reading this and they think that I’m a paranoid schizophrenic or something, gladly tell me.) Quite frankly, I’m getting whiplash from my life and some nice drugs would make me full 110% better.

I better be off to bed, I’m feeling a growing sense of dread. I wish these thoughts would just get out my head before I’m dead, but it would be quite a shame, for I am quite well-read, and not easily led, and I think that these qualities give a person cred.

I’m sorry, sometimes I just spout off rhyme. Especially because I’m exhausted and listening to Bowie during his ‘heavy user’ era.