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So we're in Venice which feels a bit like 1938 except for with cell phones. Old men walk together in posses smoking pipes and dressed ridiculously well. The buildings are all ancient looking and you feel like wherever you are walking could crumble and fall into the Adriatic Sea at any moment. Its sort of a wonderful and exciting feeling actually. Visually its like what every Disney park strives to be in its "medieval" town. You can feel the history in every tiny alley that you will enivetably because lost in.

Yesterday we took off without a plan or route and decided we'd just get completely lost and wander the streets forever. This was fun until we were hungry and had to pee a few hours later. Because of there being no other tourists in most of the places we went nobody spoke English and the extent of our Italian is Buongiorno and Grazie and Alfredo.

Asking for directions is 1/5 times helfpul. Often you will be sent in some random direction because there is no logical route to anything. You sort of have to make time for getting lost at some point. We went to St. Mark's Square which was really awesome but we had to walk through the busiest and most expensive area. Once we got to the square its hugeness was a very intense feeling.

Its majesty was cheapened by all the souvenir vendors, gondola hawkers, and ROSE SELLERS! A guy who's first language was neither English or Italian walked up and tried to shove a rose into our hands. We said we didn't want to buy anything and continued to walk away but he ran after
us trying to put it in our hands. We said we didn't want to buy anything and he said: "No no no!" and I asked: "You're telling me this is free?" and he was like: "YES" and shoved it in my hand. I was like: "Um, okaay..." and we akwardly walked away. He followed so closely behind us I was constantly checking my pockets and looking behind me. He started saying: "Okay, just give me a little money..." and we said: "You said it was free!" and he said: "I have no job! No money!" I took one look at his Gucci jeans and Pumas and shoved the flower back in his hands and we walked away.

The first day we walked one half of Venice and then today we walked all over the other half. From St. Mark's we walked down to the Giardini Pubblici. Joel found a bathroom and the swings and that was fun. There was this big tortoise-shell shaped swing. There was also elderly exercise equipment.


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More too come.
Crappy expensive internet.

Someone almost stole the camera. No joke.

Mario. Venice's best dressed and cleavage afficionado.
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SOOO there was some kind of mechanical failure and we had to emergency stop in Montreal overnight. They put me up in a creepy Quality Inn but whatevs. My flight left at 10:30am Montreal time and I got here around 10pm London time. It was a bit of a nightmare but I was alone and had no baggage to drop off or check so it was all good.

On the plane I sat with my Nana in 20 years but Irish. She was ancient and asked me awkward questions like: "Do you think that man will bomb us?" and stuff.

I'm in London now at the hostel. I'm so tired. We have to leave in a few hours to go to Gatwick so I'm afraid I won't see ANYTHING in London. I just had a shower and I have sent Joel out to bring me food, contact lens solution, and razors. He is so happy I'm here I'm finding it easy to make him my slave. lol. Actually, its because I'm so dead tired I can barely keep my eyeballs open

I took the tube. It was ridiculously easy. I looked into the Gap and the Gap looked into me....
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This isn't so much a meme as a comment thread from Pajiba's Dustin's Eloquent Christmas Buying Guide.

This Christmas, if money were no object, what would you buy for:

1) Your Parents
2) Your Significant Other
3) Your Child(ren)
4) Your Best Friend

1. I'd get my parents a vacation place down in Puerto Vallarta or maybe a place in San Francisco for the winter. (I know it snowed there this winter, but still, it'd be beautiful).

2. Malamute Puppy! He seriously wants one of these little guys so badly. Plus it would also be a bit of a gift for me because I will get to play with it and love it and snuggle it, but it will be his job to take it out to poo in the middle of the night and feed it and train it, etc etc.

3. For children I'm going to say Annie and Meredith because they are like little sisters.
For Meredith
I'd get her a really nice condo downtown where she could have everything organized to her specific way and she could also sleep whenever she wanted to and watch whatever she wanted on tv. Maybe also a sexy live in butler.
For Annie
I guess I'd get her some kind of Mr. Universe pad so she'd never have to leave her room and could just live from her office chair.

4. I'd get her a full wardrobe of regency period costumes and a country house with regency period staff where she could live out her life LARPing with Laura and whenever we visit her we aren't allowed on the grounds without regency costume.
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This was an email to my mum in the middle of the night, but I'd like to reuse it as a blog entry as I choose to convey the same message.

Pretty much discovered the best branch of anthropology tonight.


It was launched as a genuine subspeciality at the AAA (American Anthropological Association) in '93 but I've never heard about it before! Here's an article about it. (converted to HTML for convenience.)

I can't read the whole thing right now, but I just came across it in that article I brought from home ("Science, Technology and Human Values") and the thought of it has been exciting me. It reminds me of Susan Calvin (from the Asimov books) who's a "robopsychologist". I SHOULD BECOME THE FIRST ROBO-PSYCHOLOGIST!!

I can't wait for robots to start developing their own cultural pratices and beliefs. My own computer likes to turn French every hour or so. Is it right of me to make it understand English, when it's obviously its second language and we both speak both? Now that technology can "outsmart" humans, are they sentient and is it possible to "own" them? ARE THEY OUR SLAVES? I'm so distracted right now.
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There is only one good Christmas song in the world.

You know its true!
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"Now, it would be churlish of me to take all the credit for his subsequent success but in his heart Obama knows that to some degree my wisecracking put him in the Oval Office and it's payback time."

Russell's Football Column in the Guardian

I miss him and Matt and Gee and Noelie so much... my Saturdays are bleak and cold without him and not just because its November.

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So beautiful....

I hate waking up in the morning, but something feels satisfying about waking up early and coming to work, being a friendly face, reading the newspaper, doing the crossword, etc. Then I get to go home at 3pm and feel like I was productive so I can just loaf.

In other news, Joel is telling me that reading books is "supporting the killing of trees"... Dear lord.
I'm so addicted. I've spent an hour folding protein.

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This is funny. My friend posted it on Facebook and I want to post it on my facebook, but isn't that copying?

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She's not married with kids! LET'S GET HER!!!! *western society raises pitchforks and rakes*

This drives me nuts! I hate "poor lonely Jen" coverage. This is clearly the media's attempt to drive it into women everywhere that even if you are a gazillionaire and good at your job and have tons of friends- you are a complete failure at life if you don't settle down and have 18 hundred babies. I read this great article at Macleans about the whole situation (see below quote).

“This whole ‘Poor lonely Jen’ thing, this idea that I’m so unlucky in love? I actually feel I’ve been unbelievably lucky in love,” she told Vogue. “Just because at this stage my life doesn’t have the traditional framework to it—the husband and the two kids and the house in Connecticut—it’s mine. It’s my experience. And if you don’t like the way it looks, then stop looking at it!”

Seriously, if I'm ever a successful, beautiful, strong, independent woman- SHOOT ME IN THE SPLEEN! Not only would it disappoint me, but society as a whole.
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Oh man. This is my favourite guy in the running for the new Doctor.

The Beeb is pretty conservative so who knows if they'd go for a black guy. Seriously though, he has that Doctory look to him. Then if his daughter comes into the mix people can be like: "um... wait..."

In other news a creepy French business man tried to bribe me to get the keys into the hostel to take like 12 of his friends. It was so sketch. He was like "What if $50 bucks from your dear Uncle Frank was in it for you?" and I said: "Still no..." It was so alarming. YOU ARE NOT MY UNCLE! AND EVEN THEN I WOULDN'T CALL YOU UNCLE BECAUSE YOU ARE CREEPY AND YOU'D LIKELY BE ESTRANGED FROM MY WHOLE FAMILY!


I hope tries something drastic to get into the hostel before realizing that its a prison and he can really do nothing to get in short of getting the code off someone. Even then, I guard the only door and have cameras everywhere. I'm like the controller BITCHES!
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Today is excellent.

In my hot little hands I hold my valid Canadian passport and a plane ticket to London, UK. There I will meet my stunningly handsome boyfriend and we will backpack across Europe to his home in Norway. Then we will spend a perfect little Christmas together and I'll stay for a few weeks and then fly home :(

I'm so excited. My imagination is running wild! I won't be able to sleep for 39 days.
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Immediate attention.

Click for Big Version

Ahhaha I love this commercial. Imagine Heidi Klum just does this in her apartment.
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So many more gems to come!

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Yay FSL Grade 3!!!!

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My love of creating senseless, yet relatively harmless gifs has come to THIS! WHAT IS THIS MONSTER I HAVE CREATED!!!

And why does it want to devour our souuuuls? Scariest frame RIGHT HERE. All the stills are on my flickr. Oh God... how did it all go so wrong....

P.S. Happy Halloween.... I was doing an asprin mask....
Today I feel like I'll never stop being sick and the glow in my skin and hair will never come back and the day when I fly across the ocean to have a whirlwind romantic adventure will never come.

It's not a fun feeling. In fact, it's downright depressing. So I did what I do when I feel absolutely horrible... Do something OUTRAGEOUSLY silly.

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Hello Fudge Muffins,
I am almost done my very very sparse Christmas shopping. Meredydd and I decided to get all our Xmas presents from the same website on the same order so we could get free shipping. muahahha. Meredydd knows exactly when I'm getting her for Exmas. It is the lovely buttered toast wallet you see above. Sadly I could only get very cheap XMas presents for a few people. I have holiday stationary from a while ago and I intend to send Xmas cards to all my lovelies with a special Xmassy note, but sadly no goodies. You know, because of the christmas adventure.

Speaking of Christmas adventure. I got paid today and put about $800 into my line of credit to help pay for the ticket. Joel said he is paying for as much as he can while we're there but I still want to be able to pay my own way just in case. I will also send everyone lovely postcards of the places I'm going.

I met with Kat's wonderful beautiful Mum today and she graciously signed my passport papers as a guarantor. We chatted too and talked about hostelling. She told me about how she lived in a hsotel for about a month and met a ton of great people. I can attest to the fact that you will meet the most extraordinary people in hostels. It takes a lot of huevos to fill your backpack and experience the world. It sounds like a ton of fun, but its a scary thing. I'm actually quite terrified and I'm only doing it for two weeks.

In other extraordinary news, my current favourite blog has updated. Yes, the hilarious UPSIDE DOWN DOGS BLOG! I cannot express how much I am amused by upsidedowndogs. It make the internet a better place. It's making my horrific sinus infection not so bad.

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Russell Brand "quit" the BBC today. I'm totally pissed off at the BBC for using him as a scapegoat and all the attention whores (i.e. Georgina Sachs) who brought this about.

Watch his resignation video here.

Dear Russell and Jonathon,

Fuck the BBC! Do whatever the hell you want! You both make enough money to produce your own shit. Don't let them make money off of you and use you as a scapegoat for their own failings.

The End
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For Christmas I want NOTHING! Not a sweater! Not a card! Not a twinkle in your eye! But if you were going to get me something like that anyway (say a $2 card) I beg of you to donate that money to my pay pal account as I am scrounging as much as I can to save for my Christmas trip. For example, if everyone in the Amanda Stanley Appreciation Group on Facebook donates $10 it will pay for all my accommodation and food.

Sometimes when I'm very tired and have been studying all night and feel sick and homesick for old things and new things and I'm completely alone and need a perfect person to tell me the perfect thing to make me feel special and loved I turn to my old friend.

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I shall be a Greek/Roman lady of some distinction!

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Another rant post. I don't mean to complain. I just calls em like I sees em.

Note: This entry excuses people who voted or who discuss Canadian politics as much as they discuss American politics.

All my Canadian friends seem to be talking about the American election. It's all OBAMA! OBAMA! OBAMA! but they didn't make an effing NOISE about our elections and Canadian candidates. We had a record LOW of voting this election. Our last voting peak was in NINETEEN FIFTY-EIGHT! (Courtesy of Dief the Cheif).

"Some 59.1 percent of eligible Canadian voters went to the polls Tuesday, breaking the previous record low turnout of just under 61 percent in 2004, according to preliminary results from Elections Canada released on Wednesday."

Good fucking job.

Before you get your panties wet for some American candidate, try being a responsible citizen in your own damn country first. Move there if you love him so much.

P.S. I think Obama may actually be Harold Saxon. Not that I want McCain to win, but that's exactly what Saxon would want.
I enjoy watching Family Guy as much as the next person, but occasionally it actually truly bothers me. Mainly when they make jokes about violence against women.

I watched the first few episodes of the new season and I'm so not impressed. Two jokes in particular really stick in my mind. One was a Dr. Seuss parody "Horton Hears Domestic Violence in the Next Apartment" where we graphically hear a woman being beaten and her sobbing and crying and begging for someone to help her and god knows what else in the next apartment. It was hard to watch. Not like Meet the Parents was hard to watch. It was hard to watch like watching orphans of war is hard to watch.

The other one involves Peter trying to get the waiter to give him a record in exchange for sex with his daughter.

Peter: Can I have that record? I love that song. I'll let you have sex with my daughter...

Waiter: I don't know...let's see what your daughter looks like.

P: She's...uhh...(pans past Meg to "hot" girl)...right there!

W: Ok, I'll do her. But can you tell her to cry and beg me to stop?

P: I think that can be arranged.

Please don't tell me to have a sense of humour about this. Think of three girls you know. One of them has been sexually assaulted. So not funny.

I thought I wanted the time to go by faster. This was stupid because I have SO MUCH LIFE TO LIVE in 6 months!

My list of things to do before summer!
  • go horseback riding! (before it snows hopefully)
  • go to the movies at least every other month!
  • skate on the Rideau Canal
  • take a free gym class (tae cardio, total body conditioning)
  • buy a second hand bike (for under $50)
  • MAKE not BUY Christmas gifts for everyone I love (well, I can buy craft supplies)
  • go to at least 2 concerts
  • visit Picton for a weekend
  • clean my apartment (I mean REALLY clean! scrub the floors and walls! clean under all the furniture! clean out the cupboards! etc... p.s. I might need help for this one)
  • make sushi
  • have a nice hot bubble bath (at the hostel probably! haha)
This isn't like my vow of celibacy, I'm really going to do it! (Oh god, that quote will come back to haunt me.)
The worst is over. Got through first night alone with flying colours. For some reason, I was sicker today than yesterday, but at least I slept at a decent hour and woke up at a decent time so today will be easy to fall asleep.

Somehow my antenna is getting more channels than usual but I can't find Jon Stewart, I found Arrested Development however, which is really just as good. I can hulu Jon Stewart later.

In kitty cat news, Boris used to get um... "excited" at night when I first got him and he often would hump random things like pillows and socks and my leg... well he has randomly started doing it again. As soon as my sinus headache doesn't cause me to snap at the drop of a hat, I will clean the entire apartment and make everything nice and cozy for him.

My apartment is a complete disaster area right now and I hate it. I'm not truly comfortable anywhere in it. I think that this is also partly due to the fact that I have completely outgrown this little place. It was a wonderful first apartment and we've grown a lot in it. But I'm running out of room on my bookshelves and I feel like I'm always bumping into things. I have no place to store winter things in the summer or summer things in the winter. This spring will bring a much needed change in my evolution.

I'm going to sleep now. It's almost 1am which makes me sleepy. I'm afraid of waking up to Boris humping my foot.
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He's leaving for Norway for six months. I will see him at Christmas. I can't handle thinking about it. It's so silly, I would make fun of someone else for being like this, but it's true and I can't pretend I'm not effing devastated.

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I feel like posting a gif to express how disgusting and sick I look/feel.

Why are gifs so addicting to watch?


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This is just about the best thing ever.

Now I shall watch ALL TV ALL THE TIME!

Also, does anyone know how to fix old timey desktops (JON?)? Meredith's computer is broken beyond my knowledge and she can't afford to get a technician in to fix it. This is quite upsetting.
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I am a very stylish girl 20!

My birthday AND Christmas present is my bed so that's what I got from my parents. Plus they paid for not one but FOUR meals for me and my handlers which is pretty awesome. We also went to the Museum of Civilization and the art gallery and the IMAX.


I look like a cow slightly.

Oh Annie.

We met Tom Green who was eating next to us with his Dad and brother which was nice, except Joel get star struck really easily and may have startled Tom Green a little. Luckily they are both from North Bay and their dad's both work for the military. He didn't smear us with poo or anything, so that was a plus.

Tonight Joelio and I went to Tucker's Marketplace for my free buffet which was EXCELLENT. I had to be rolled home like a big fat blueberry child.

I just had a highly hilarious conversation with Alysson.

Alysson says:
also one is a butter face
||Amanda|| says:
what is butter face?
Alysson says:
everything's hott but her face
||Amanda|| says:

Today Joel made french toast but put a little drop of vanilla into the egg/milk mixture and I almost fainted from sensual pleasure. It was wonderful.

Meredith got me a cake today which we will eat TOMORROW.

P.S. I wish there was something that could show you what livejournal mood you used most often.
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I slept in. Boo. At least I got an extra hour and a half of sleep this morning so I'm in a really good mood. And also, my work gave me a birthday card which is exciting. Everyone from work signed it will funny little messages.

Rey Jr. said: "Happy Barfday".... -_-

I will post later as boredom consumes me. The family is here in 4 hours approx.

Joel and I went to the used bookstore tucked away next to the Bytowne last night. It was an excellent hole in the wall place. I bought John Hodgeman's "The Area of my Expertise" which I'm about to start reading now.

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Boo, I'm working hard at school (reading mainly... lots and lots of reading). My boyfriend is in Winnipeg for a few days training for his crazy U.N. mission.


A woman drowned on Sunday afternoon, after her motorized wheelchair fell into the Rideau Canal in downtown Ottawa.

Police and paramedics were called to the Colonel By Drive near the Laurier Avenue Bridge just after 1 p.m. Five officers jumped into the canal and pulled the woman from the water. The woman was under the water for nearly 10 minutes and had no signs of breathing or a pulse. She was taken to the General Campus of the Ottawa Hospital in critical condition and was later pronounced dead.

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I would send this in to postsecret but I want the world to know!

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"thought the video awards were total crap last night, except for your British boyfriend who was brilliant, but not very appreciated by the strange American mix of white bread + rap kids. Kenya West was good though, liked the new song, otherwise it was crap."

Oh Mom! I love Kenya West too!!
Oh Russell. I'm so proud. haha.


I watched the first five minutes and then couldn't handle it anymore. The staggering power of the Jonai overpowered me and I had to go onto the roof with Joel where he was "not smoking" and enjoying the cool after-rain atmosphere of our world.

This picture blows my mind however:

He looks so chastened. He's having one of those: "What if I just GRABBED HER BOOB" moments in his head. Or maybe singing the coco pops song. His giantness scares me, because Paris Hilton is tall PLUS wearing heels. When I met him he was a good 6'4 or 6'5 in heels. I'd also like to point out that he was wearing those exact jeans with the side zip... that penis bulge in those jeans has RUBBED AGAINST ME IN A SUGGESTIVE WAY!

Omg I love him.

I'm working a day shift right now. Yes. I'm at work. At 7:30 in the morning. I haven't worked this shift in 4 months and I'm not 100% sure what to do. It's horrifying. Joel is coming to have lunch with me though so that's nice. And I'm going to try to get out of here a little early so I can get to class on time.

I'm so tired I'm awake. Is that weird?
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Here are some lovely camping pictures. It was a nice week. I wish I could have had more time to relax and read, etc, but that didn't really happen.

Boobs? Sun? How glamorous.

An LCBO and graveyard... classy!

I should add that I'm standing on top of a cliff... It's very daring.

He's wearing a purse... in the wilderness. He's THAT secure in his manliness.

Mind the buoys!

Moose Travel REPRESENT!

Otter family!

"Are you looking at my wife's ass??"

Portage : FAIL
Don't drop kayak on girlfriend's head whilst trying to strike manly pose for camera. He finds this picture hilarious...
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1. Boxers or briefs? Illustrate your point with an MS Paint drawing.

2. If you could be a man for a day, what would be the first thing you'd do?
Experience all the things the penis has to offer. Peeing standing up, sense of entitlement, vaginas... the whole shebang.

3. Name 8 inanimate objects within view of where you're sitting, and assign them sexes.
  1. Phone: Male... it has a little erect antenna.
  2. USB Port: Female- self explanatory
  3. USB Drive: Male- it's entering the USB port....
  4. Empty plastic lightbulb casings: female- look like breasts
  5. Large plastic water bottle: could be a barrel chested man
  6. Pens and pencils- very slim and girlish
  7. Post It Pad- couldn't think of a sex until I drew eyelashes and lips on it
  8. Bottle of acetone free nail polish remover: female- small waist bottle, pear shaped bottom.
4. What accents would Boris and Olivia have if they were human?
Boris and Olivia are Russian spy cats. THEY HAIL FROM RUSSIA! *mad cossack dancing*

5. Your thoughts on bondage. Discuss.
*Said in Fonz voice* Nobody, I say, NOBODY is the boss of me!

Me as interviewed by Alison!
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Cheers my mini wonton dumplings!

Everything went well. I had a wonderful weekend. Family liked the boy. Boy liked the family. My mom took a lot of creepy paparazzi type photos and said stuff like: "You'll thank me later!" Pictures like this:

I could do without the world facebook staring at my partially naked body.

We went sailing. It was pretty awesome. Except all day at work I felt like I was on a rocking sailboat and had to grip tightly to the desk to keep from toppling. (P.S. Look at his muscles... mmm)

Joel was the only one of us to catch a fish but my dad had to take it off the hook for him. Also, it was TINY. hahah that's what she said. It took me forever to work up the courage to jump off the boat. I had to wear a life jacket and keep my feet near the surface for fear of toe nibbling mega-sharks or something. Joel was afraid of cold water not fish... so he says. He did a very well formed dive from the boat but when he surfaced he made the sound of a posh bear being stabbed by a chav bear.

Anyway coming home on Sunday was horrifying. There was an accident on the 401 and it took us 3 and a half freakin hours to get to Kingston. We missed our train and had to catch a later one. As a result I slept NOT A WINK and worked all night. I had about 4 redbulls over the course of 8 hours. When I got home my body was buzzing and I had to take gravol because I was feeling sick from the sailboat feeling. My ears were ringing from people setting off alarms at work. I laid in bed and just reeled.