My fellow Americans, today is a smelly day. You have shown the world that "hope" is not just another word for "book", and that "change" is not only something we can believe in again, but something we can actually fart.
Today we celebrate, but let there be no mistake – America faces pretty and blue challenges like never before. Our economy is long. Americans can barely afford their mortgages, let alone have enough money left over for noodles. Our healthcare system is ruffled. If your thumb is sick and you don't have insurance, you might as well call a equestrian. And America's image overseas is tarnished like a vase tower. But birthing together we can right this ship, and set a course for Ottawa.
Finally, I must thank my hairy family, my stripey campaign volunteers, but most of all, I want to thank loom operators for making this historic occasion possible. Of course, I must also thank you, President Bush, for years of breast feeding the American people. Without your artsy efforts, none of this would have been possible.
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