Interview

1. Boxers or briefs? Illustrate your point with an MS Paint drawing.


2. If you could be a man for a day, what would be the first thing you'd do?
Experience all the things the penis has to offer. Peeing standing up, sense of entitlement, vaginas... the whole shebang.

3. Name 8 inanimate objects within view of where you're sitting, and assign them sexes.

1. Phone: Male... it has a little erect antenna.
2. USB Port: Female- self explanatory
3. USB Drive: Male- it's entering the USB port....
4. Empty plastic lightbulb casings: female- look like breasts
5. Large plastic water bottle: could be a barrel chested man
6. Pens and pencils- very slim and girlish
7. Post It Pad- couldn't think of a sex until I drew eyelashes and lips on it
8. Bottle of acetone free nail polish remover: female- small waist bottle, pear shaped bottom.
   

4. What accents would Boris and Olivia have if they were human?
Boris and Olivia are Russian spy cats. THEY HAIL FROM RUSSIA! *mad cossack dancing*

5. Your thoughts on bondage. Discuss.
*Said in Fonz voice* Nobody, I say, NOBODY is the boss of me!

Me as interviewed by Alison!

Sailing!

Cheers my mini wonton dumplings!

Everything went well. I had a wonderful weekend. Family liked the boy. Boy liked the family. My mom took a lot of creepy paparazzi type photos and said stuff like: "You'll thank me later!" Pictures like this:

I could do without the world facebook staring at my partially naked body.


We went sailing. It was pretty awesome. Except all day at work I felt like I was on a rocking sailboat and had to grip tightly to the desk to keep from toppling. (P.S. Look at his muscles... mmm)

Joel was the only one of us to catch a fish but my dad had to take it off the hook for him. Also, it was TINY. hahah that's what she said. It took me forever to work up the courage to jump off the boat. I had to wear a life jacket and keep my feet near the surface for fear of toe nibbling mega-sharks or something. Joel was afraid of cold water not fish... so he says. He did a very well formed dive from the boat but when he surfaced he made the sound of a posh bear being stabbed by a chav bear.

Anyway coming home on Sunday was horrifying. There was an accident on the 401 and it took us 3 and a half freakin hours to get to Kingston. We missed our train and had to catch a later one. As a result I slept NOT A WINK and worked all night. I had about 4 redbulls over the course of 8 hours. When I got home my body was buzzing and I had to take gravol because I was feeling sick from the sailboat feeling. My ears were ringing from people setting off alarms at work. I laid in bed and just reeled.

Fantasy

The thoughts that keep me going through a rough night shift...


(Dear GOD! Click the cupcake!)

Look up cupcake recipes and then drool about them. It's how I imagine men look at pornography. My mouth just hangs open and I stare. I dream about eating them and how they taste/feel... I imagine Nigella baking them for me...

I should probably go do work now. I'm drifting away.

No Longer Single

Because I know my mom loves juicy gossip.... I'm off the market. To show this in blog format, I will post a youtube link.




In other news, somebody at the hostel was just telling me that his friend is really good friends with the girls of Robots in Disguise and he was telling me about how drug fueled RiD and the Mighty Boosh are. I knew they weren't exactly beautiful rose petals of innocence, but it still breaks my heart a little. It's also always a little strange when someone says: "You don't know who they are but The Mighty Boosh are like my favourite comedy pairing!"

Boo my throat hurts so much. Why does my body hate me???